Monday, 6 December 2010

{#48} Here's your knife back, I finally got it out of my back. I'm sure you'll be needing it again soon...

I have become such a meaningless person. I guess I have always been like these, except for those almost 3 months where I wasn't myself. I was happy. But now I know it's possible to be in love and happy, and I think I want that. I think I want to be happy and whole and not empty all the time. The only thing that's worst than being empty, is getting used to it. And I thought it was okay, I really did. I thought everything was fine and that I was going to be okay again. But it isn't, and I'm not. And I want it, all of it! I've always wanted it, I was just too scared to admit it. And I'm still scared, but I'm ready. I have been ready for so long... I want to be happy. I want to stop being miserable.

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there… because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else- something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize… you're happy."

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