{#49} A little reminder...

I haven't been myself lately and it's got to stop. I haven't been lucid in weeks. I need to stop with the crap and start studying and do something with myself cause I'm driving myself crazy. If I keep doing this I'm gonna lose myself completely and I will become the person I never wanted to be.
And yet, I'd do it every fucking day for the rest of my fucking life. Just to forget, you know? Everything. All the shit. Him, my parents, school, the police crap, everything. Just to get away for a while and not think.
But I've got to stop, and even though I don't want to, I will.

{#48} Here's your knife back, I finally got it out of my back. I'm sure you'll be needing it again soon...

I have become such a meaningless person. I guess I have always been like these, except for those almost 3 months where I wasn't myself. I was happy. But now I know it's possible to be in love and happy, and I think I want that. I think I want to be happy and whole and not empty all the time. The only thing that's worst than being empty, is getting used to it. And I thought it was okay, I really did. I thought everything was fine and that I was going to be okay again. But it isn't, and I'm not. And I want it, all of it! I've always wanted it, I was just too scared to admit it. And I'm still scared, but I'm ready. I have been ready for so long... I want to be happy. I want to stop being miserable.

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there… because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else- something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize… you're happy."

{#47} Take the fall...

I have realized that to get up, you need to fall. And it doesn't matter who's there with you, as long as you're there to help yourself on the way up.

{#46} I will follow you into the dark...

She was fucking exhausted. She couldn't take it anymore. She was so damn tired, she hadn't slept in three days. She had been awake for 72 fucking hours and she had lost weight. She hadn't been eating either.
"Well," she said. "That's what happens when you give someone the power to hurt you," she sighed. "And no matter how much they promise, or how much they swear to love you forever, they are going to use that power you gave them, and destroy you. That's life."