"I am probably one of the most confusing and difficult people you will ever come in contact with. At times I almost can not even understand myself. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, you decide. Either way, I'm here to stay.
I'm not about to sit here and tell you I'm a good person at heart, because I'm not. Don't ever fall for me, chances are, I'll break your heart. I have loved and lost, story of my life. I have had my own heart broken too many times. I no longer believe in love, or love at first sight. I do, however, believe in strong feelings of immature, teenage lust. It seems as though every person I have ever truly loved has managed to hurt me or stab me in the back somehow. It has made me a very cold hearted and bitter person in the end. I do not care about too many people. - I've also been told I am a bad friend. chances are, this is true.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others; they are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that the people you care about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.
I may be one to forgive, but I never forget. My trust is something many of you will never earn, and once you lose it then it is gone for good. I have learned from experience not to give out second chances, they only lead to more pain. I do not have a lot of real friends in this world and I'm not afraid to admit it because it's about quality not quantity, and the few friends I have I love more than anything.
I know I've made mistakes, but I'm only human. I dont intend to go back into the past any longer. I'm sick and tired of wondering what things could have been like if only I would have done things differently when I had the chance. I've only got one life to live, one shot at happiness, and one opportunity to succeed. I'm going to live my life to the fullest. To me that means living in the present and for the future, not the past.
I refuse to let my past hold me back any longer. I refuse to give a damn about anybodys opinions and assumptions other than my own. I've already wasted too many years of my life worrying about other people, but the fact is that this is my life and it revolves around me. Try to stand in my way, I dare you. Try to bring me down or hurt me and I'll watch in amusement as you fail. I promise.
I want to meet someone that makes me laugh like sadness doesn't exist: a sense of humour is absolutely vital if you want to be my friend. If you don't have that, I'll probably think twice about even giving you the time of day. I don't like people who follow trends or go against them purely because they think they're being rebellious. It seems like everyone is just trying to impress everyone else. I think I'll just worry about impressing myself, and if it intrigues anyone else, well that's just a bonus. I'm young and stupid. please don't expect anything from me. I'm just like you- a mess.
I need constant reassurance in everything. Especially the way I look. I think I'm fat and ugly, and have one of the lowest self-esteems you can find in a person. I try not to show it, because I know how to have fun, and being ashamed of anything isn't one of them. I used to not want people to label me, but I know it's non-avoidable. I don't care what you label me as anymore, as long as you don't have a problem with me. I'm not going to try and be all though saying "I'd rather you hate me" or "If you don't like me, even better". Because that's not true."
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